A man comes home from work, thinking no one else is home yet. As he puts down his briefcase and hat, he hears a faint moaning coming from his oldest daughter's bedroom. Not quite sure what's going on, he tiptoes down the hallway and gently pushes open the door, only to find his daughter on her back on her bed, eyes closed, using a dildo and on the verge of orgasm. Shocked, he blurts out, "What the hell do you think you're doing?" Visibly shaken, she quickly grabs a sheet to cover herself and yells at him to get out and close the door while she puts on some clothes. Her father sits in the living room, appalled that his beautiful daughter would pleasure herself in this manner. The daughter comes out and admonishes her dad for not knocking before entering, and then says, "Look - I'm 25 years old, I don't have a boyfriend, I've never had a boyfriend, and I probably never will have a boyfriend. But I have needs, and I have to take care of them, you know?" Her father says, "Listen - you just haven't had much luck with boyfriends. I'm sure you'll get one soon.

" She replies, "No, Dad. It's just not in the cards. I'll never ever get married. That's all.

I'm sorry to disappoint you." A few weeks later, the daughter comes home early one afternoon to find her father sitting on the living room couch, with a gin and tonic in one hand, and the dildo in his other hand, watching TV.

"Dad!" she yells out.

"What in God's name are you doing?" The father casually looks over his shoulder at her and says, "What does it look like? I'm having a drink with my son-in-law.

"