After many years the father had retired to a nursing home after his wife died. His only child , a very successful businessman very rarely called or sent a card for birthday, Christmas or any other occasion. One Christmas the son sent his father a tie that looked like a thrift store special. The father, being tired of being forgotten called his son. Father Son, after all these years I thought I would let you in on a very important secret. Your mother and I never married. You were born out of wedlock. Son But...but...

that means I am a bastard! Father Yes and a cheap one at that!