An out of work composer-pianist realized he was out of savings, so he is trying to get a job playing in restaurants and bars.

He arrives at his first audition for the owner and maitre d' of a popular place and starts down to play. The two listeners are stunned--the music is incredible and they are really impressed.

"What do you call that one?", asks the owner. "I call it: You are such a big slob that all your food has spilled down your clothes and your shirt is a mess." The two look at each other and shrug and then ask pianist to play another song.

The music is so moving and heartfelt that soon the two are sobbing and holding each other. "Wow, " says owner. "What's the title for this one?" "That one is: Your filthy hair hasn't been washed in so long that the birds and insects are nesting in your head." Again, they shrug, but owner says: "Look you've got a job, pal, just don't tell the patrons the names of your selections. OK?" That night, the painist plays to a full restaurant and during his performances, no one moves, no glasses tinkle, no forks are dropped or picked up, no one breathes. The applause is thunderous.

But, after a few such numbers, the maitre d' asks him to take a break so that food can actually be served and get eaten. Pianist decides to go to the bathroom. While on the john, a couple of boys decide to play a prank and run into the bathroom yelling, "Fire, fire!" Pianist bolts his stall and rushes out into the restaurant. A woman diner stops him and says: "Hey, do you know that your pants are down around your ankles and you have toilet paper stuck to your ass?" "KNOW it?" asks the painist haughtily, "I WROTE it!"